It’s the System versus the People and the first half of the game is over, with the score at nil-nil. The public thought  they had taken the lead
with a stunning LEAVE vote, but the Establishment opted to consult the Video Assisted Referee. And to no-one’s astonishment, after viewing the Referendum from several angles in slow-motion, the VAR decided the public were offside and the goal was cancelled.

    Nigel thinks he’s won the cup – but it’s a game of two halves!

The EU forever club (Parliament) are aware the public are no longer fooled by fake “negotiations” over Brexit. We can all see that nothing whatsoever is happening and the angry suspicion is growing that nothing ever will. In Westminster today, the only divide is between  “NO BREXIT EVER” crooks and “PRETEND BREXIT NOW”  con-artists. Both are playing for the same team – Big Government – and party politics are deemed irrelevant. So here is their latest plan to decapitate the Brexit Zombie-

With Tommy Robinson -arguably Britain’s highest-profile football fan – artfully removed from public view, the rainbow coalition of Westminster whores expect the plebs (that’s us)  to become obsessed  with the traditional World cup circus. They desperately need that circus – because the theatre of “Brexit negotiations” is running out of actors.

In political terms it’s half time and the fans – oops, taxpayers –  are all in the bar arguing about that goal. It was CLEARLY a goal say the leavers. It was a FOUL,say the remainers. (Gary Lineker is busy in BBC Makeup, munching crisps and tweeting about the joy of  immigration).

Expect a TV festival of forced smiles flipping to fake frowns as the focus switches between limp-wristed nationalism (“Come on England!“) and  unforgivable hooliganism (“…the last thing we wanted to see…”). With any terrorist trouble (real or imagined) conveniently far away in Russia,  look forward to plenty of FIFA-sponsored photo-opportunities featuring fans of all nations wrapped in each others’ flags, bonding in glorious, international, borderless, multicultural bliss.
Long after the last ball has hit the net, Britain’s political actors will stagger into autumn / winter, burbling more and more ridiculous Brexit “options” – stay in the customs union forever… stay for 7 years… stay in the customs union  but call it something else… invent an agreement identical to the customs union and call it a breakthrough…

And as memories of England’s luckless departure from the World Cup fade (“they gave everything”) the real Brexit game plan will be revealed. The big issues between the UK and the EU -immigration, customs etc-  will be declared “unresolvable” and the phony negotiations will cease.

Expect another resignation from the carboard cutout who passes for Prime Minister (remember that old technique from the day after the Brexit vote?). Parliament will be dissolved, requiring leadership elections, unfortunate delays etc.

All this waffle will take months and will be viewed against a background of new wars in the Middle East (think Iran / Palestine / Syria / Lebanon / Turkey ). The last straw will be a financial crisis. Facing the nightmare a of populist revolt, the European central banks are planning to yank the carpet out from under the imaginary money mountain which they built. The markets will crash and national economies will flop like dying goldfish.  

And lo, with the outside world in apparent meltdown,  the entire cast -oops, sorry, both main UK political parties- will agree that in these ” unusual and extreme circumstances… ” wait for it …”Brexit cannot proceed at this time.” This will, of course, be announced on the same weekend that the Premier League begins again.

Shortly afterwards, the Guardian, the Mail and the BBC will be headlining “racially aggravated hate-crimes ” (against innocent Muslims) whether they happen or not – and with Britain on the verge of social anarchy, a brave man will emerge from – oh, just over there – and unite this sadly divided country.

Step forward everybody’s favourite smirking sock-puppet, for here comes the one and only

 – SAJID JAVID, the saviour of the New World Order, a.k.a. the Great Unifier. He is, after all, a man for all reasons. He’s a Christian (sort of) and a Muslim (sort of) and he really knows how to deal with foreign banks (because he spent his entire life working for them)  so who else could possibly save Broken Britain?

And as the Brussels ball hits the back of the Brexit net the LEAVER public will scream FOUL but the referee will immediately blow the final whistle and the goal will stand.
Some fanatical supporters – UKIP types and so on -will attempt a pitch invasion but an army of riot-police will appear as if by magic and crush them (although you couldn’t find a single PC plod today if you were bleeding to death on your doorstep).
Game over.

And believe me, dear readers, this exact scenario and a few variations thereof are being discussed right now in that agreeable open-air bar behind the House of Commons overlooking the Thames.
Okay boys and girls, let’s all sing together…



                                                                                                 Ian Andrew-Patrick

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